Crushing Creativity

Although it’s been a bit since my last blog post, I have been up here in Northwest NJ having some Oprah “Ah-ha” moments. I’ve decided to unfurl myself from the fetal position, put on my big girl panties, stop using my creativity as a scapegoat and start being a grown-up.

I’ve realized that I have done more in the last several years to crush my creativity than I have to allow it to flourish. Admittedly, there has been a heck of a lot of fear, distraction, and sheer laziness that has kept me from completing and submitting any written works. Ultimately, though, I finally realize I’ve been crushing creativity at every turn with my habits and my mindset.   

I have been winging it. Successful people don’t wing it. I’ve fooled myself into thinking that this is what creativity likes, spontaneity.

It is a lie.

Deep down I’ve always known this.

Now I am going to own it.

First, I have decided that I will no longer put pressure on my creativity to support me financially. Now that my youngest is in school full time and my oldest is half way to college already, it is time for me to “get a job.” I could shut down. I could lambaste myself and my creativity for failing, for not “becoming a writer,” for not bucking up and paying the bills. Instead, I am telling creativity: “I got this.” I will support you. I will find some way to give you what you need while still helping my family financially.

Second, I have decided that I will no longer use creativity as an excuse. My poor sweet fragile creativity, I have thrown you under the bus more times than either of us can count! I have allowed things to fall by the wayside. I have allowed laundry to pile up. Dust bunnies to multiply. Stacks of papers and books to accumulate on every surface of the house. And creativity has shouldered the blame. That alone is crushing. Never mind, the fact that creativity cannot possibly live in an environment of disorganization and chaos. Instead, I am telling creativity: “I will create a place for you to live.” I will get rid of the clutter and get organized.

Third, I have decided that I will stop wasting my energy, my talents, and my creativity on time-sucking activities. I will schedule my time so that I can proactively pursue my passions instead of reacting to others. Because at the end of every day that I have let myself get sucked in by every distraction imaginable, I only become bitter and resentful. Instead, I am telling creativity: “I will create time for you.” I will start each day pursuing my own goals. I will be intentional with my time. So there is always time for creativity instead of it being an oft-forgotten afterthought.

I am (finally) organizing my life for the sake of my creativity (not in spite of it!).

Because I want to do more than wish on stars, I want to achieve my dreams.

I've Got "BIG MAGIC" And A Permission Slip From Elizabeth Gilbert

There is something undeniably magical about inspiration.

When a teeny tiny little spark of an idea pops into your head out of nowhere, sending shivers down your spine, giving you seemingly boundless energy and excitement that compels you to leap to your feet and immediately DO this thing - to blow on that spark so it ignites lest it extinguish forever - that is MAGIC. Inspiration - whether divine, spiritual, or inspirational fairy dust - is undeniably BIG MAGIC.

Sadly, for many creative-types somewhere along the way - maybe at the beginning when there is only that tiny spark or maybe towards the end when there is a roaring fire - a many-headed monster comes swooping in and snuffs creativity out. That creative-magic-murdering monster is fear.

The one face of fear we all recognize has us shaking in our boots, stomach whirling, heart racing, leaving us paralyzed to do anything because we are just too scared. But fear shows itself in other ways such as guilt, procrastination, perfectionism, distraction, and other such lame and/or legitimate excuses.

In her new book, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, Elizabeth Gilbert discusses how to embrace the inexplicable magic of creativity and banish fear (at the very least, to the backseat). Big Magic oozes with the honest, endearing, comical, and down-to-earth beautiful grace that is Elizabeth Gilbert (Or, Liz as I call her in my head -- the kindred spirit that spoke each word of this book directly to me).

Here are a few little bits of advice Liz whispered to me in the book:

• My very being is perfectly designed to live in collaboration with inspiration.
• I don't need a permission slip to live a creative life (but, in case, I do she scribbled one just for me).
• My soul has been waiting for me to wake up to my own existence for years.
• There are no requirements for creativity (like a specific education or life experience).
• I am creatively legitimate by my mere existence.
• Done is better than good. 
• Be a self-disciplined half-ass.
• Put my work forward in stubborn good cheer again and again and again. 
• Some people will like it. Some people won't. Make my art anyway and they can go make their own f*ing art.
• Don't ask my creativity to earn a living for me.
• Maybe one day I'll get lucky. Or not. No pressure. No guarantees. 
• Getting a job doesn't mean I'm a failure, it means I'm a grown-up.
• Put my work out there in the world knowing that failure or success is irrelevant. 
• It matters enormously, and it doesn't matter at all.
• It is sacred. And it's not.
• Just get back to work. Have fun.  

In short: Create. Release. Repeat.

Check it out, she might just whisper to you too.