Things Are Just Too Easy Not To Do

We are coming to the end of the second month of 2016. Did you make any resolutions/goals? How are they going?

If you are like most, probably not well.

Why? Why do we make goals for ourselves but never achieve them? Why have I been airing excuses and declaring goals on this very blog for over THREE YEARS?

Of course, we can examine some underlying psychological reasons or maybe we are lazy or maybe truly too busy -- there's a plethora of excuses (years worth).

Maybe it's just that our goals are too easy NOT to do.

It is just too easy to remain content in the status quo, in our comfort zone. Even if the steps to achieve our goals are just as easy TO do. Wait. What? Easy to do AND easy not to do?!

For example, here are some of my own personal goals -- the steps of which are easy to do AND easy not to do:

Get up everyday and exercise.
I know that it is best for me to exercise first thing in the morning before I get distracted by all the daily stuff. And, it really is "easy" to do this even if I am not a morning person. Just set an alarm and drag myself out of bed. If the house was on fire, I could get up. If a kid was vomiting, I could get up. If a baby needed to be nursed, I could get up. But it is soooo easy to hit snooze and tell myself that I will exercise later. I am a stay-at-home mom of school aged kids, after all, I have all the time in the world (ha!). Easy to do/easy not to do.

Eat right.
I know how to eat right. I've always known how to do it. It really isn't that hard for me. But sometimes I find myself mindfully putting junk food in my mouth. Or even taking a third helping of a healthy dinner after I am full. Or, conversely, sometimes just not eating until I am so hungry I don't care what I eat. Easy to do/easy not to do.

Be more organized.
I am just a hot mess when it comes to organization even with all the best intentions. Here are some easy organization steps that I NEVER do (or if I do, it doesn't last long):
*Deal with paperwork immediately -- take the action and chuck the paper, put it in your calendar, register, rsvp, write the check, do the work, file it, etc... So easy to do! Instead, I do the other easy thing: pile the papers and procrastinate. Easy to do/easy not to do.
*Put things in their place -- take your coat off, hang it up. Shoes off, put them away. Use a dish, stick it in the dishwasher. Brush your hair, put the brush away. And so on. Instead I leave things for later. I let things pile up until I am running around spending hours putting it all away. Easy to do/easy not to do.
*Schedule your activities -- I know that if I say from 6-7 I will exercise; then eat breakfast, then feed the kids, then make lunches, then clean the kitchen. Block 9-10 for responding to emails, social networking. Block 10-11 for direct marketing work. From 11-1 for writing. From 1-2 for lunch. From 2-4 for household chores. My day would go smoother if I followed a schedule, I know. But I struggle with that daily, I push things around, I reprioritize, I procrastinate, I get distracted. I get inspired by something (like this blog post) and I forgo all the other items on the list including eating and drinking water (hmm, I'm thirsty). Does it really matter when I do things, after all? Couldn't I write from 6-11; exercise from 11-12 eat breakfast and lunch together from 12-1... Etc... But you can imagine how that goes (see hot mess comment above). Easy to do/easy not to do.

Write more (revise, finish, and submit more).
Writing is really not difficult for me. I don't experience writer's block. If anything I suffer from writer's plethora (too many ideas, can't finish anything). When I sit my butt in a chair, the words come. Is my writing always beautiful? No. Far from it. But I have trouble sitting my butt in the chair (see above about scheduling issues). When I finally do sit down, I rarely do anything with the work. That's where the revise and FINISH come in. Again, I am pretty good at editing. I actually like to edit. Hone words and sentences. It's fun. But I have trouble letting go. Declaring something finished. For instance, when this blog post is published today, I will reread and edit it throughout the day. Crazy, I know. How hard is it to write, edit, finish, and move on? Easy to do/but so easy not to do. Submitting. Ah! That thorn in my side. Submitting short stories is soooo easy these days. Most literary magazines use a website called Submittable in which you type a little cover letter than upload your word doc and done. You can check periodically on the status of all your submissions in a nice list. I have one in there for 2016. And one from 2013. I can't even tell you how many times I have gone in there and just simply not clicked the submit button. Easy to do/easy not to do.

Be more prayerful, mindful, grateful. 
This is a big one because this is so important to me. What's crazy is that it is at the bottom of this list and all to often gets moved to the bottom of the list daily. Because as easy as it is to say a quick prayer. To say a quick word of thanks to yourself, to God, to your loved ones. We get too busy and distracted to do it. How easy it is to mindlessly spend your day doing bullshit tasks that take you away from the very core of who you are? We are all obsessed with being busy, but is it even necessary? Maybe we need to be still -- be prayerful, be mindful, be grateful. Easy to do/easy not to do.

Where is the easy button going to take you in 2016? Is it going to take you towards your goals or away from them? Love to hear from you: comment below, share on Facebook, shoot me a message -- whatever is easiest for you! ;)

Got this whole mind-blowing idea of easy to do/easy not to do by watching some coaching videos by the beautiful Susan Sly. Check out this video to learn more about Susan or head over to Susansly.com.

If you are new to my blog, check out my very first entry written in October of 2012.

ISO: Excitement

What excites you? Really excites you? Are you doing that thing/those things as often as you can? Are you allowing people to see what truly excites you? Are you inspired by your excitement? Are others inspired by your excitement?

I watched a video the other night on this subject: A 26 year old millionaire bounced around on stage talking about what gets her excited and how to find out what gets each of us excited. When it was over, I couldn't think of a thing that got me THAT excited. Then, as I went to bed and as I woke up in the morning  – I couldn't stop listing the things that get me excited. Jeez no wonder I couldn't find that one thing that makes me passionate – too many things make me passionate! 

I googled it. There are millions of pages on figuring out what excites you most and finding your passion. Why is it that, as I am pushing forty, I am just now trying to discover this?! Where have I been for the last 30-some years?

Am I the only one? Do you know what excites you? Are you doing it?

Some of what excites me seems so far off, so far-fetched, that I think I've just always gone along doing the small little things that make me and, hopefully, those around me fairly content… But excited? I’m not sure. Scary thought as middle-age is knocking on the door! What am I waiting for? Retirement?

In the video I watched the other night, "Establishing your 'Why'," Peta Kelly talks about finding that big thing that excites you but also the little excitements to help inspire you and pull you toward that big goal.

I thought about listing some of the things that excite me – but the list seemed too long for this blog (maybe next week). But, how do I take my “excitement list” and use that to live?

In his TEDx lecture, "How to find and do work you love," Scott Dinsmore asks “What is the work you can’t not do?” For me, it’s always been writing. And, even though I take tiny little steps towards that goal – the big goal, the idea of being a successfully published writer, seems so far-off, so impossible, that I get stuck. I never make my way towards that goal. But maybe it’s because I never allow myself any excitement, any reward, any passion to pull me forward.  There is no fire behind it. There’s no momentum. I need to find little stepping stones of excitement to pull me forward. Otherwise, I am just paralyzed.

Another great article I found in my Google search is: Guide to Finding Your Passion. A guide to narrow those things that excite me down. How to find the thing that I am most passionate about, make goals, identify obstacles, push away the fears and excuses...  (Maybe that’s for another blog too)

What about you? Do you know what excites you and are you doing it?

No Parking In The Comfort Zone

There is something to be said for the comfort zone – it is, umm, comfortable. I suppose we could all live our lives comfortable in it. Not that we would be lazy, the comfort zone can be pretty busy, hectic at times – with the cleaning, the laundry, the errands, work, volunteering, family, vacations, etc. A life inside the comfort zone could be a full and happy one. But, is that the life we are meant to live?

If there was a “No Parking” sign posted on our comfort zone, could we have reached a higher potential? Is there a life we are meant to live outside the comfort zone?

I recently came across this quote (on a friend’s fridge):

“Life Begins At The End of Your Comfort Zone”
~ Neale Donald Walsch

This friend recently left her own comfort zone – her job, her apartment, her life – and moved to another part of the state to begin a physical therapy program. She took a leap of faith and left her comfort zone to answer a calling rather than sit back and ignore it.

Is there a calling that we are afraid to answer whilst sitting comfortable in the zone?

I would like to say that I am finally answering the call to be a writer. But, my writing life is going along happily in its own comfort zone right now. Being a comfortable drawer writer eliminates all stress and obligation from the process (writing something and hiding it in my drawer). Writing something, revising it, submitting it somewhere – that is way out of the comfort zone I am currently parked in. The draft for my NaNoWriMo novel, for example, I have picked up a half a dozen times since November but never really accomplish anything noteworthy. What’s the rush, really, when you are in a comfort zone and no one is threatening to tow you?

And this inability to reach beyond the comfort zone stretches into many areas of life – relationships, physical activity, and diet. We can allow ourselves to get into cycles that keep us from ever really experiencing life to its capacity.

As a married woman with three children approaching 40, I was OK with the way I look, my physical activity, my diet. Sure, I kinda wish I looked a little better in a two piece bathing suit. I kinda wish I could run any amount of distance without wanting to pass out. Maybe it would be nice to have a little more energy without relying on coffee loaded with cream and sugar.

A few weeks back I decided to listen to another friend and try out a nutritional cleansing program she recommends. And I am wondering why in the heck I didn’t try it sooner! It’s like going from Good to Great – I feel great (and 10 days in I lost 6 lbs and over 9 inches)! I didn’t even know it was possible!

I am trying to detoxify my body inside and out – go beyond just OK to the best I can be…

What about you? Are you parked in a comfort zone? Can you do something today to push yourself outside comfortable to the best you possible?

Spring is approaching. It is time to wake up and move out of the comfort zone. Take some chances. Do something differently. Get out of the rut and live to our fullest potential.

Who’s with me?!

(If you want to know more about the nutritional cleansing program I am on, shoot me an email – we can do it together!)

New Year, Same Ole Me?

It’s a New Year, and I've brought the same ole me to the party. I, of course, can pretend that I am going to make and keep some New Year’s Resolutions. I can tell myself I am going to eat those grapefruits I bought for breakfast instead of a bagel and cream cheese. I am going to use that free gym membership I won. I am going to finish my novel and get it published. Polish and submit those short stories sitting on my hard drive. I am going to get right to work each morning instead of wasting time on the Internet waiting for my coffee to kick in. (Actually, I am going to drink a NutriBullet smoothie each morning instead of coffee.) But by mid-January the excuses already start to pile up and I am ready for Girl Scout cookie sales to begin…

New Year, same ole me? Or, maybe it’s time to let go of past failures and excuses, stop simply wanting things and start doing?

A recent blog on Writersdigest.com by author Kerrie Flanagan talks about moving beyond want and start doing… As she says, there are so many things we want – to make them possible we need to stop wanting and start doing.

What will you DO in 2015?

This is the year, I will finish the novel and find an agent. I will invest time in my writing, have confidence in my abilities, and push through to the finish line.

The Pull Of The PTO

I often wonder how successful female writers/moms structure their time – how do they fit it all in? I, of course, fantasize that they hire out most of their chores, have nannies, and spend very little time with their kids. I am sure; however, this is not true. I am sure that they attack writing with much more discipline than I and therefore are able to actually complete manuscripts and sell them while dinner is simmering in the crockpot.

I am a classic time-waster/procrastinator; therefore, this year I told myself I was going to limit the activities that would keep me away from writing during my kid-free writing time. To that end, I resisted the initial urge to volunteer as a room parent for my children’s classes this year. But somehow as my son’s very sweet kindergarten teacher announced repeatedly that they were still looking for room parents, I found myself volunteering to help. Two days later while the kids were all in school I was sitting in a PTO meeting listening to women debate policies, activities, fundraisers, and budgets. I couldn't help feel it was a colossal waste of time – I mean, really, is my involvement in the Parent-Teacher Organization going to help my children with their education?

Once again, I find myself wondering – was Jodi Picoult ever a room mom? Is Sara Gruen active in the PTO/PTA/Home School Association? Has Jennifer Weiner stood in school during picture day to comb the hair of kindergartners? Has Judy Blume ever sorted Kidstuff books?

I know JK Rowling wrote in a café while her children napped in their prams but I squandered away what little napping time I had on laundry and dishes. According to Wikipedia, Danielle Steel was determined to spend as much time as possible with her own SEVEN children, often writing at night and making do with only four hours of sleep. Apparently Toni Morrison also would write before the kids woke up and after they went to sleep at night. In an interview, she is cited as having said:

“I remember one day when I was confused about what I had to do next – write a review, pick up groceries, what? I took out a yellow pad and made a list of all the things I had to do. It included large things, like ‘be a good daughter and a good mother,’ and small things, like ‘call the phone company.’ I made another list of the things I wanted to do. There were only two things without which I couldn't live: mother my children and write books. Then I cut out everything that didn't have to do with those two things.”

That sounds like a new mantra to me! The look on my kids’ faces when I enter the school for whatever reason is worth every minute I am away from my computer. Yesterday, I may have spent my writing time monitoring school pictures, but as my kindergartner flaunted me around to his classmates, surreptitiously kissing my hand -- I knew it was worth it. I may fail daily at achieving both the title of “Supermom” and “Author” but if I can achieve little advances towards both I am happy and hopefully so are the kids!

How could I resist missing this Field-Day Face just to piddle away at writing?

On The Back-To-School Emotional Rollercoaster

Ahhh… Back-to-school time… the time of year when even the most even-tempered mother can feel like an undiagnosed manic depressive. As I prepare to send all three of my children on the school bus for the first time, I vacillate between wanting to run around the house and complete all items on my to-do list in a single child-free day to wanting to spend the day crying on the corner anxiously wringing my hands until the bus returns my baby-turned-kindergartner safely into my arms.  

For the last ten years I have some form of baby, toddler, or small child in my arms for the better part of the day. I have spent a large portion of my adult life pregnant, nursing, and changing diapers. And now that is over. I now hand my children over to be educated by strangers. Part of me wants to sing “I’m Free!!” in operatic falsetto while the other part of me wants to grab a hold of my uterus and beg “Just one more, give me just one more!”

How did the years slip by so fast? How did this summer pass by so fast? How is vacation already over?

I’ll survive back-to-school. And they will thrive. After the first few days, those child-free hours will go by oh-too-quickly. Before I know it, another summer will come and go and there will be another back-to-school to prepare for. I will have three children in school full day then. That time will come when I will be told that producing live children from my womb and keeping them alive is no longer a sufficient contribution to society. I will need to do something. Tick.

I will be putting my three biggest excuses on the bus… Tick.

Now is the time to make something of my writing or find anything else to do. Boom.

Yipes. Maybe I should go have that talk with my uterus (Just kidding, uterus. You've done good work but it is time for you to retire).

The Week That Wasn’t

Apparently Fall is emerging all around me: the temperature is dropping; the trees are changing colors; and Halloween is fast approaching. Last week I missed Fall unfolding itself right in front of me because I was in my own world. A world where corporations suspend production, where hundreds of jobs are lost, where resumes are updated, and words like “relocation” are thrown around. This is a world I had no intention of being in but there I was – life is fun like that.

I tell myself not to stress about things I can’t control. I tell myself things will work out the way they are supposed to. And I believe it, too. I know that our family will survive the closing of my husband’s workplace. That he will find another job in the area quickly and we won’t have to move. Or, maybe, there will be a company that swoops in at the last second to purchase the plant and continue production.

There is nothing I can do, really, except help my husband update his resume.  My life pretty much stays the same for the moment – I still have the same chores, the same laundry, and the same ever-surmounting to-do list. Therefore, the only logical thing for me to do with my time is to imagine how things will play out. To research the state, the city, the school district, the neighborhood, and the very house that we could live in.

So while things were piling up all around me like the fall leaves outside, I was busy playing with the Realtor app on my phone. Not the best use of my time, but it was cathartic and kind of fun….

It was almost like last week didn't even exist. Last week was the week that wasn't. So, back to reality this week! Back to using my time productively (or at least trying to). Back to using my imagination to write stories (since that’s my goal, right?)! Failing that, I have a new book to read – Allegiant (Divergent Trilogy)comes out today – yay!

Enjoying The Small Things, Soccer Mom Style

We are in full fall swing -- school, scouts, soccer, choir, dance, karate, playgroups, back-to-school nights, open houses, etc. Not to mention the fun stuff you just have to squeeze in with the family: hayrides, apple picking, pumpkin patches, fall fests, jumping in leaves, bonfires, etc. Then there are the big chores to attend to: switching over closets, fall cleaning (if you still do that), yard work, etc. on top of the usual chores. Plus all those "back-to-school" resolutions that may have already been forgotten like my resolutions here which top of my list continues to be WRITE MORE.

For a self-deprecating excuse-airing person like me, fall means I have a lot to beat myself up over like not writing enough. But I am going to spare you the boring blog of whine whine whine, promise to change, then whine whine whine some more (lucky you).

Because:

Between all those moments of rushing around too much. Between stacks of dishes and loads of laundry. Between trips back and forth from the soccer complex. I have managed to relax and take a breath. I have managed to stop and enjoy the small things. I have sat back at karate and read. I have enjoyed one on one time with my preschooler. I have watched the sun set over the soccer field. I have stayed up too late with my daughter reading Harry Potter. I vegged on my sofa with my husband and watched useless TV. I spent a Sunday afternoon watching a movie with the kids.

Taking a moment to do these things is no small feat when there is so much to accomplish. I may never be completely on top of the housework. I may never be the perfect mom. I may never cook entirely from scratch. I may never meet daily word counts. And I may continue to meet submission deadlines. But I am enjoying the small things, soccer mom style. Maybe one day all the rest will come.

Sunset on the soccer field

You Don’t Really Want a Gift, Do You?

I appreciate you all. I really do. I appreciate all you good people in the world that strive to make this world a better place. I appreciate you under-appreciated – you teachers, you bus drivers, moms, dads, all service professionals. I do. But do we have to have a day to show our appreciation? Does it make us feel more appreciated? Do you really want a flower pot with my child’s finger print on it? Do you want a cute picture of my kid in a homemade picture frame? Do you want that spread of food you shouldn't eat two weeks before the start of summer?

We should do better at showing appreciation every day. It’s a shame that as a society we need to have appreciation days and awareness months to celebrate the often ignored.

I shouldn't need Teacher Appreciation Day/Week to make my child’s teacher feel appreciated. I should send my kid to school prepared. I should raise my child to value education and respect authority. I should take my family vacations in the summer. I should respect her experience and opinion in conferences. Does he really want my handmade gift to show my appreciation? At Christmas, in May, then again in June – how many coffee mugs does one teacher need?

Are these gifts even out of appreciation or are they just another example of over consumerism? Are we just trying to pin the best picture on our social media walls? Are we just trying to throw a band-aid on a broken limb? I know it sucks to be a teacher in a society that doesn't value education, here’s a doughnut. I know it sucks to be an ignored minority, here’s a month. I know it sucks to have cancer, here’s a pink pin.

You don’t really want a gift, do you? Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m just an uninspired gift-giver and an unappreciative gift receiver – focusing too much on the stress both cause instead of the joy. After all, nothing is more priceless than the look on a kid’s face when he gives a gift made out of love. Maybe that’s the idea for next year – skip the made-in-China soon-to-be-trash trinket and make a video diary of kids telling the teacher why they love him and appreciate her. I’m gonna pin that! (I mean, I would if I knew how.)

I’ve Been In Survivor-Mode

I've been stuck in survivor mode without even realizing it. We've been plugging along, surviving the days. We've been just fine. When you are just fine, it’s hard to identify that you’re also not great.

Then the other day I had one of those moments when I felt like an utter failure. This is not how it was supposed to be like, I thought. I was not supposed to be this kind of parent. I felt like I had given up and given in. I felt like I was walking through a perpetual cycle of lunchables, happy meals, electronics, and screaming in the most fish-wifiest voice, “IF YOU DON’T STOP FIGHTING YOU ARE ALL GOING TO YOUR ROOM!” And them screaming back, “YOU HATE US!” I felt my heart breaking and my children are still little. What is it going to be like in ten years? I felt like lost my daughter to some mommy-hating teenager and she’s only 8. I felt like I’d lost my vegetable eating children somewhere in the McDonald’s play area.

Then something happened right around dinner time, the witching hour. Nobody was pulling on me. Nobody was whining for snack food. Nobody was begging to play Wii. The boys were playing with actual toys and imagination. My daughter was up in her room taking her punishment. I called the children to dinner. They sat down to plates of Black bean taquitos, mini chicken and bean tamalitos, Edamame, and oranges. Nobody whined. My daughter sat there popping Edamame with vigor that is usually only reserved for Sun Chips. My son tried four then politely concluded that they taste like a cross between eggs and green beans, so he’ll pass. My three year old ate numerous. They divided the seconds of black bean taquitos amongst themselves without incident. They finished their milk with minimal coaxing. They showered and got ready for bed as instructed. My daughter discussed how she was going to handle Day 2 and Day 3 of her punishment without any you-are-the-worst mom in the world angst.

Whew. We did more than just survive the day - there may have even been some good lessons learned there! I know it’s not the end. I know that we have to keep actively trying, not just putting out fires and surviving. I know that we need to work on a better positive reinforcement plan. I know that punishing my children for bad behavior isn't the only answer. I know they won’t always eat their vegetables but I don't have to give in. I have to actively raise my kids to be healthy adults with good character not just survive their childhood until they grow to be semi-competent grown-ups with high cholesterol.

Heading off to Daddy/Daughter Dance:
She didn't want to go, she didn't want to wear a dress. But she went and made some good memories 

It doesn't hurt to try. Isn't that what we tell our kids? The worst thing that is going to happen is it doesn't work but you won’t be any worse off. Sometimes you make a plan to nip a behavior in the bud with a severe grounding and you think it isn't going to work, but it does. Sometimes you put a strange vegetable in front of your children and they eat it! Just never give up on yourself or your children. Maybe you’ll find you’re not such an utter failure after all.

Maybe one day I’ll extend that just try attitude to my writing life. Stay tuned! 

Excuse Me!

I recently had a melanoma scare (in my head). And, quite frankly, melanoma still hasn’t been ruled out since I have yet to see the doctor (no time). During this frightening half hour I came to the realization that I could die soon. A trip to the doctor for an atypical mole that turns out to be melanoma that has spread to the lungs (my college friends KNEW I’d die of lung cancer!).

You are supposed to laugh. But, while you’re laughing I am defending myself saying “It happens!” Bob Marley died at the age of 36 of melanoma that spread to his brain. Who knew? And - are you kidding me? 36! Look at his legacy! I’m 36! What is my legacy? Sure, I have 3 kids. But what am I teaching them? To say please and thank you (some of the time); to look both ways when you cross the street (1/2 the time); to cover your mouth when you sneeze (most of the time); to wash your hands (almost all the time)?

If I go to the doctor next month and am told I have melanoma that has spread and I’m going to die in 1 year, what would great wisdoms would I want to teach my children before I go? What will they remember of me (that I yelled all the time? That I spent too much time on the computer?)?

As a wannabe writer - what do I have to show the world when I’m gone? A bunch of crappy ½ written stories and novels that my sisters (probably not my husband) will read as they throw them in the recycling bin? And, if I had 1 year to live would I spend that time writing the great American novel? Doubtful. Why? I really don’t even know – I have hundreds of excuses. I’m sure I’ve got at least one excuse each day!

You know what, though, I don’t think I’m much different than anyone in America. No different than you reading this blog (shouldn’t you be doing dishes?). Are these excuses keeping us from living a fulfilled life? (Who really cares about those dishes in the sink anyways?) Are excuses keeping us from achieving the American dream? What is that dream these days? And, does it even matter if we are happy with our excuses?

                There you have it the birth of my blog, 365 Excuses. One woman’s reasons why I may or may not be living a fulfilled life. Excuses for why I may or may not ever be a published writer. Excuses for why I have a sink full of dishes, a sticky kitchen floor, and 3 laundry baskets of clean unfolded laundry. While we are at it – the excuse for why there is cereal on the floor (my 6 year old had to get his own breakfast because Mommy was writing her blog).

                While we are being honest, it will be more like “52 Excuses.”

                Hope you enjoy!