Crushing Creativity

Although it’s been a bit since my last blog post, I have been up here in Northwest NJ having some Oprah “Ah-ha” moments. I’ve decided to unfurl myself from the fetal position, put on my big girl panties, stop using my creativity as a scapegoat and start being a grown-up.

I’ve realized that I have done more in the last several years to crush my creativity than I have to allow it to flourish. Admittedly, there has been a heck of a lot of fear, distraction, and sheer laziness that has kept me from completing and submitting any written works. Ultimately, though, I finally realize I’ve been crushing creativity at every turn with my habits and my mindset.   

I have been winging it. Successful people don’t wing it. I’ve fooled myself into thinking that this is what creativity likes, spontaneity.

It is a lie.

Deep down I’ve always known this.

Now I am going to own it.

First, I have decided that I will no longer put pressure on my creativity to support me financially. Now that my youngest is in school full time and my oldest is half way to college already, it is time for me to “get a job.” I could shut down. I could lambaste myself and my creativity for failing, for not “becoming a writer,” for not bucking up and paying the bills. Instead, I am telling creativity: “I got this.” I will support you. I will find some way to give you what you need while still helping my family financially.

Second, I have decided that I will no longer use creativity as an excuse. My poor sweet fragile creativity, I have thrown you under the bus more times than either of us can count! I have allowed things to fall by the wayside. I have allowed laundry to pile up. Dust bunnies to multiply. Stacks of papers and books to accumulate on every surface of the house. And creativity has shouldered the blame. That alone is crushing. Never mind, the fact that creativity cannot possibly live in an environment of disorganization and chaos. Instead, I am telling creativity: “I will create a place for you to live.” I will get rid of the clutter and get organized.

Third, I have decided that I will stop wasting my energy, my talents, and my creativity on time-sucking activities. I will schedule my time so that I can proactively pursue my passions instead of reacting to others. Because at the end of every day that I have let myself get sucked in by every distraction imaginable, I only become bitter and resentful. Instead, I am telling creativity: “I will create time for you.” I will start each day pursuing my own goals. I will be intentional with my time. So there is always time for creativity instead of it being an oft-forgotten afterthought.

I am (finally) organizing my life for the sake of my creativity (not in spite of it!).

Because I want to do more than wish on stars, I want to achieve my dreams.

Things Are Just Too Easy Not To Do

We are coming to the end of the second month of 2016. Did you make any resolutions/goals? How are they going?

If you are like most, probably not well.

Why? Why do we make goals for ourselves but never achieve them? Why have I been airing excuses and declaring goals on this very blog for over THREE YEARS?

Of course, we can examine some underlying psychological reasons or maybe we are lazy or maybe truly too busy -- there's a plethora of excuses (years worth).

Maybe it's just that our goals are too easy NOT to do.

It is just too easy to remain content in the status quo, in our comfort zone. Even if the steps to achieve our goals are just as easy TO do. Wait. What? Easy to do AND easy not to do?!

For example, here are some of my own personal goals -- the steps of which are easy to do AND easy not to do:

Get up everyday and exercise.
I know that it is best for me to exercise first thing in the morning before I get distracted by all the daily stuff. And, it really is "easy" to do this even if I am not a morning person. Just set an alarm and drag myself out of bed. If the house was on fire, I could get up. If a kid was vomiting, I could get up. If a baby needed to be nursed, I could get up. But it is soooo easy to hit snooze and tell myself that I will exercise later. I am a stay-at-home mom of school aged kids, after all, I have all the time in the world (ha!). Easy to do/easy not to do.

Eat right.
I know how to eat right. I've always known how to do it. It really isn't that hard for me. But sometimes I find myself mindfully putting junk food in my mouth. Or even taking a third helping of a healthy dinner after I am full. Or, conversely, sometimes just not eating until I am so hungry I don't care what I eat. Easy to do/easy not to do.

Be more organized.
I am just a hot mess when it comes to organization even with all the best intentions. Here are some easy organization steps that I NEVER do (or if I do, it doesn't last long):
*Deal with paperwork immediately -- take the action and chuck the paper, put it in your calendar, register, rsvp, write the check, do the work, file it, etc... So easy to do! Instead, I do the other easy thing: pile the papers and procrastinate. Easy to do/easy not to do.
*Put things in their place -- take your coat off, hang it up. Shoes off, put them away. Use a dish, stick it in the dishwasher. Brush your hair, put the brush away. And so on. Instead I leave things for later. I let things pile up until I am running around spending hours putting it all away. Easy to do/easy not to do.
*Schedule your activities -- I know that if I say from 6-7 I will exercise; then eat breakfast, then feed the kids, then make lunches, then clean the kitchen. Block 9-10 for responding to emails, social networking. Block 10-11 for direct marketing work. From 11-1 for writing. From 1-2 for lunch. From 2-4 for household chores. My day would go smoother if I followed a schedule, I know. But I struggle with that daily, I push things around, I reprioritize, I procrastinate, I get distracted. I get inspired by something (like this blog post) and I forgo all the other items on the list including eating and drinking water (hmm, I'm thirsty). Does it really matter when I do things, after all? Couldn't I write from 6-11; exercise from 11-12 eat breakfast and lunch together from 12-1... Etc... But you can imagine how that goes (see hot mess comment above). Easy to do/easy not to do.

Write more (revise, finish, and submit more).
Writing is really not difficult for me. I don't experience writer's block. If anything I suffer from writer's plethora (too many ideas, can't finish anything). When I sit my butt in a chair, the words come. Is my writing always beautiful? No. Far from it. But I have trouble sitting my butt in the chair (see above about scheduling issues). When I finally do sit down, I rarely do anything with the work. That's where the revise and FINISH come in. Again, I am pretty good at editing. I actually like to edit. Hone words and sentences. It's fun. But I have trouble letting go. Declaring something finished. For instance, when this blog post is published today, I will reread and edit it throughout the day. Crazy, I know. How hard is it to write, edit, finish, and move on? Easy to do/but so easy not to do. Submitting. Ah! That thorn in my side. Submitting short stories is soooo easy these days. Most literary magazines use a website called Submittable in which you type a little cover letter than upload your word doc and done. You can check periodically on the status of all your submissions in a nice list. I have one in there for 2016. And one from 2013. I can't even tell you how many times I have gone in there and just simply not clicked the submit button. Easy to do/easy not to do.

Be more prayerful, mindful, grateful. 
This is a big one because this is so important to me. What's crazy is that it is at the bottom of this list and all to often gets moved to the bottom of the list daily. Because as easy as it is to say a quick prayer. To say a quick word of thanks to yourself, to God, to your loved ones. We get too busy and distracted to do it. How easy it is to mindlessly spend your day doing bullshit tasks that take you away from the very core of who you are? We are all obsessed with being busy, but is it even necessary? Maybe we need to be still -- be prayerful, be mindful, be grateful. Easy to do/easy not to do.

Where is the easy button going to take you in 2016? Is it going to take you towards your goals or away from them? Love to hear from you: comment below, share on Facebook, shoot me a message -- whatever is easiest for you! ;)

Got this whole mind-blowing idea of easy to do/easy not to do by watching some coaching videos by the beautiful Susan Sly. Check out this video to learn more about Susan or head over to Susansly.com.

If you are new to my blog, check out my very first entry written in October of 2012.

Some Excuses Are Worth It

I’ve spent YEARS sporadically writing this blog among various pieces of fiction currently hibernating on my hard drive, lambasting myself for the excuses that get in the way of my being successful at anything. I figured it’s about time I set the record straight: Some excuses are worth it!

Hands down. Like death-by-chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream or a hot fudge brownie sundae. There are just some things you can’t say no to, ever. EVER. No matter how many burpees you have to do the next day (the burpees, any excuse for skipping them will do!).  

Sometimes, it really is important to stop what you are doing and read an interesting article on Huffington Post, like which Kardashian marriage is on the rocks and which one is on the mend. Or, which “health” food is currently a no-go and which one is trending. And don’t forget to keep up with the recalls (last week it was cucumbers from Mexico). Certainly, I couldn’t parent without reading conflicting “how to” articles from experts with one well-adjusted child or the mom with the three year old she is training to clean up after herself because she will NEVER do it for her (ha! good luck with that!). Evidently, my day would not be complete if I didn’t know what you ate for breakfast or what route you took on your 10 mile run.

All kidding aside, there really are some excuses that are worth it (cheesecake, from New York, I forgot cheesecake…).

Here are some of the things I did this past summer when I didn’t put a single word to paper (yes, I know we are deep into fall but, eh, I got excuses...):

Totally worth it!

Give Me a Sec While I Readjust My Focus

One of my many running mantras is:

Everyone has the time and energy to do what they value the most…

Ultimately, I feel, when we make excuses like “I don’t have time”, or “I’m too busy”, or “I’m too tired”, that it is just another way of saying “It really isn’t important enough for me to make the time.” This is both liberating and restraining because I can tell myself if I really want to do something, I will make time for it but if I haven’t done it then it must not really be that important to me. So if I didn’t make time to write, or exercise, or cook a good meal, or play with my kids, or spend quality time with my husband  –  I guess it means I don’t value those things. Yikes, right?

I have been working on focusing my goals so that at the end of the day I can feel that I put my time towards the things that are important to me. Every day I have been waking up with a positive attitude (or so I thought), telling myself (with a big smile on my face) all the things I am not going to do with my day:  I am not going to waste time; I am not going to be lazy; I am not going to eat junk food; I am not going to lose my patience with the kids, I am not going to be fail at this whole writing thing. At the end of the day I beat myself up over all those things I swore I wasn’t going to do but did anyway. Hmmm. Sounds very negative. I thought because I was happy and smiling, I was being positive…  But, here I am walking around every single day focusing on what I am not going to do, beating myself up for all the things I didn’t do. Every single day I am focusing on the negative. Huh. Who knew?

I recently came across the quote:

What we focus on, we become.

Here I am focusing on all the things I don’t want to be: I don’t want to be a failed writer. I don’t want to be fat. I don’t want to be a bad mom. Why is it at the end of the day, these are the things I feel like I am? It’s the basic law of attraction! It’s like when I tell my son not to hit his brother – what do you think the first thing he does when he’s within striking distance?? Duh. Why would it be any different for me?

It is time to readjust my focus. It’s like I bought a really expensive camera with fancy lenses but have been faking it in point and shoot mode expecting fancy pictures. It’s time to learn how to use my lenses the right way to get the quality pics I want. I need to learn how to focus on the positive, not fake positive focus when I’m really just saying “I won’t! I won’t! I won’t!” then when “I do. I do. I do.” I think “I suck! I suck! I suck!” See how that’s no good?

What I give time to, I value.

What I focus on, I become.

It's not as easy as it sounds! I might need a bit of time. Give me a sec, while I readjust my focus!

In the meantime, here are some other blog entries you might like:

Excuse Me While I Beat Myself Up

No Parking In The Comfort Zone

ISO: Excitement

Excuse Me!

No Parking In The Comfort Zone

There is something to be said for the comfort zone – it is, umm, comfortable. I suppose we could all live our lives comfortable in it. Not that we would be lazy, the comfort zone can be pretty busy, hectic at times – with the cleaning, the laundry, the errands, work, volunteering, family, vacations, etc. A life inside the comfort zone could be a full and happy one. But, is that the life we are meant to live?

If there was a “No Parking” sign posted on our comfort zone, could we have reached a higher potential? Is there a life we are meant to live outside the comfort zone?

I recently came across this quote (on a friend’s fridge):

“Life Begins At The End of Your Comfort Zone”
~ Neale Donald Walsch

This friend recently left her own comfort zone – her job, her apartment, her life – and moved to another part of the state to begin a physical therapy program. She took a leap of faith and left her comfort zone to answer a calling rather than sit back and ignore it.

Is there a calling that we are afraid to answer whilst sitting comfortable in the zone?

I would like to say that I am finally answering the call to be a writer. But, my writing life is going along happily in its own comfort zone right now. Being a comfortable drawer writer eliminates all stress and obligation from the process (writing something and hiding it in my drawer). Writing something, revising it, submitting it somewhere – that is way out of the comfort zone I am currently parked in. The draft for my NaNoWriMo novel, for example, I have picked up a half a dozen times since November but never really accomplish anything noteworthy. What’s the rush, really, when you are in a comfort zone and no one is threatening to tow you?

And this inability to reach beyond the comfort zone stretches into many areas of life – relationships, physical activity, and diet. We can allow ourselves to get into cycles that keep us from ever really experiencing life to its capacity.

As a married woman with three children approaching 40, I was OK with the way I look, my physical activity, my diet. Sure, I kinda wish I looked a little better in a two piece bathing suit. I kinda wish I could run any amount of distance without wanting to pass out. Maybe it would be nice to have a little more energy without relying on coffee loaded with cream and sugar.

A few weeks back I decided to listen to another friend and try out a nutritional cleansing program she recommends. And I am wondering why in the heck I didn’t try it sooner! It’s like going from Good to Great – I feel great (and 10 days in I lost 6 lbs and over 9 inches)! I didn’t even know it was possible!

I am trying to detoxify my body inside and out – go beyond just OK to the best I can be…

What about you? Are you parked in a comfort zone? Can you do something today to push yourself outside comfortable to the best you possible?

Spring is approaching. It is time to wake up and move out of the comfort zone. Take some chances. Do something differently. Get out of the rut and live to our fullest potential.

Who’s with me?!

(If you want to know more about the nutritional cleansing program I am on, shoot me an email – we can do it together!)

I Am (clearly) No Jesus Christ

Today marks the start of Lent and for many Christians it means giving up some vice or making some sort of sacrifice in honor of Jesus' 40 days of fasting in the desert. I have to admit that even as a Catholic Elementary student, I don't think I ever made it the full 40 days of giving up anything.

If I were out fasting in the desert and the devil himself appeared before me and offered me food -- I think I would last about one second before I said, "Hell, yes, I'll take that rock-turned-bread!"

I am (clearly) no Jesus Christ!

I mean, I set a goal and about 10 seconds later I am making an excuse why I couldn't possibly get it done. Jesus let himself get hung on a cross! I think I'd be like: "Ummm, Father, I know I said I'd do this but I don't think this is even going to work. These people don't care if I die and come back again. Heck, half the time they don't even understand what I mean when I say I'm coming back...How about I cure another leper or something... They like when I do that..."

I am an excuse maven!

I put off laundry until the drawers are empty.
I need to have a guest en route before I clean my house thoroughly.
I have to have every surface area covered before I organize my papers.
The bathrooms need to look like rest stop restrooms before I clean them.
The stomach bug must be in full force before I disinfect anything.
The buttons on my pants must burst before I cut calories.
Spring must be around the corner before I'll hit the gym.
I can work on a short story for two solid weeks but when it's time to submit it, I fall asleep.
I write an entire novel, then decide I hate the story because it's too cliche.

And so on.

This year, I decided to give the whole giving something up for Lent thing a try. My biggest vice, of course, is the mindless time I spend on Facebook. So, it's only logical I give up Facebook. Since I know I have the willpower of an ant (assuming an ant has very little willpower), I am deactivating my account for the rest of Lent.

Gasp. But how will I get my news? I am keeping my Twitter account (I am no Jesus after all).

Double gasp. But how will you follow my blog? Follow me on Twitter: @excusesbyjulie 
Be sure to like my author page: www.facebook.com/JAChamberlain 
You can also follow by adding my blog (www.365excusesbyJulie.com) to your Blogger reading list.

I'll see you on Facebook after Easter! In the meantime, I'll be busy revising/rewriting my novel (I said I was going to do that, didn't I?) and jumping on the "nutritional cleanse" bandwagon (spring is right around the corner, isn't it?). I'm sure I will be finding excuses to post here in between.

Until then, my mantra:

38 (or so) Reasons Why I NEED To Be A Professional Writer

1. I have to do something productive with the voices in my head.
2. Or go insane.
3. I like to observe human nature.
4. I’d rather not be a creepy eavesdropper.
5. I like to work in my pajamas.
6. And drink lots of coffee.
7. Nobody wants to hear the things I think.
8. The things in my head translate way better on paper (well, sometimes).
9. I’m too practical to be an amateur daydreamer.
10. I’m too impractical for 9 to 5 work.
11. I can’t be bothered with keeping track of insignificant things like what time it is.
12. It’s a more pleasant alternative to housework.
13. My kids already think I am a writer.
14. And want to read the things I have written.
15. I want them to know that if you work hard enough, dreams can come true.
16. And nothing is impossible.
17. I am tired of making apologies and excuses for wanting to be a writer.
18. I have stories to tell.
19. I want my name on published stories, not half written computer files or bunched up papers in a drawer.
20. I want someone to read something I’ve written and say “Wow!” 
21. I want something I’ve written to resonate in someone’s head somewhere.
22. I don’t want to do anything else ever again.
23. Otherwise, I will have failed.
24. Failure is not an option.
25. The only place I am good at lying, is on paper.
26. I enjoy being completely honest about something that is 100% fabricated.
27. Writing is fun (most of the time).
28. I like to entertain people.
29. It’s fulfilling and rewarding when I hit a difficult patch and push through it.
30. Sometimes I can be quite good at it.
31. Most of the time I suck, but proud for doing it anyway.
32. It takes way longer to perfect one sentence than I ever imagined possible, but the after-glow of finally writing the perfect sentence can last days (and maybe longer if that sentence were to echo in someone else’s head -- see numbers 20 & 21).
33. As a writer, I am always learning, growing, evolving.
34. I can’t possibly DO all the things I dream, but my characters can.
35. I am sick of being the person that talks about being a writer but has nothing to show for it.
36. Actually, I don’t talk about it much (just blog about it) – but would like to.
37. Unless someone pays me, I’ll feel like a fraud.
38. I need validation.

I'd rather sit at my computer all day wrestling with one sentence while wearing my PJs, coffee cup in hand, than do anything else (like do something with that bucket that's been sitting back there for a couple of days now).

Yay! I found 38 reasons why I need to be a writer, that trumps the 36 reasons why I won't be a writer. You can read those reasons here.

Oh, wait, it doesn't end there! I just thought of bonus reason number 39 -- I would like the excuse "She's a writer" to cover every weird/antisocial/ditsy thing I do. 

New Year, Same Ole Me?

It’s a New Year, and I've brought the same ole me to the party. I, of course, can pretend that I am going to make and keep some New Year’s Resolutions. I can tell myself I am going to eat those grapefruits I bought for breakfast instead of a bagel and cream cheese. I am going to use that free gym membership I won. I am going to finish my novel and get it published. Polish and submit those short stories sitting on my hard drive. I am going to get right to work each morning instead of wasting time on the Internet waiting for my coffee to kick in. (Actually, I am going to drink a NutriBullet smoothie each morning instead of coffee.) But by mid-January the excuses already start to pile up and I am ready for Girl Scout cookie sales to begin…

New Year, same ole me? Or, maybe it’s time to let go of past failures and excuses, stop simply wanting things and start doing?

A recent blog on Writersdigest.com by author Kerrie Flanagan talks about moving beyond want and start doing… As she says, there are so many things we want – to make them possible we need to stop wanting and start doing.

What will you DO in 2015?

This is the year, I will finish the novel and find an agent. I will invest time in my writing, have confidence in my abilities, and push through to the finish line.

I Am A Loser Baby #NaNoWriMo

In typical "365 Excuses By Julie" fashion, the excuses in November mounted up faster than lice can reproduce and I failed to meet my National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) goal of writing 50,000 words in one month. 

I fell about 13,000 words short. Here's what my NaNoWriMo words chart looked like:

Although, technically I am a loser, I do *feel* like a winner. (I hope that counts for something) I have about 37,000 words and 127 pages of a novel that I didn't have a month ago. I worked out some plot points, added some twists and subplots, flushed out some characters -- none of which would have happened if I hadn't attempted to write a novel in one month. 

Now, the goal is to continue the momentum and write through December. Then start revising revising revising.

For those goal-oriented and nagging friends of mine (you know who you are) -- my goal is to be finished with self-editing by February (Finish It February) so I can share with my writer's group and other readers. 

(Now I just need a fancy chart like I got on NaNoWriMo.org) 

There Is A Louse In My House #drasticmeasures #amNOTwriting

I've been behind on my NaNoWriMo word count but nothing a few word sprints couldn't solve… But, when you have three children, you never know what surprises might keep you from your plans. This time, it was lice.

Remember my blog post a while back titled "I Wasn't Prepared for THIS!"? Well, add lice to the list of things I did not think of when my children were just a twinkle in my eye. More specifically, the idea that I, at 38 years old, would be experiencing my first case of head lice.

For all of you out there who have not had the wonderful experience of head lice in 2014 – it is not like in the 80s when a treatment of Nix would knock those suckers, eggs and all, out of the park. No, those of us inclined to put pesticides in our hair will soon learn that these lice are immune to it. So, in a word, it’s useless. A fine tooth comb and some time (HOURS A DAY) to sift through your hair is really the only sure fire way. There are natural alternative on the market (like Fairytale Goodbye Lice), and certain shampoos (like Coal Tar Shampoo), certain conditioners (like Suave Coconut Conditioner), and good ol' fashion home remedies (like mayonnaise and saran wrap), plus blow drying and flat ironing. Ultimately, though, you still have to sit and pick those suckers out with a comb every single day. Which I've been doing. Not to mention all the laundry which is a completely separate blog post for me because as some of you know I have been using a Laundromat since March even though I have a fancy washer and dryer in my basement (we have gas/propane/plumbing issues that are going to be solved “any day now”).

Anywho, my excuse for not writing this week thus far is that I have been busy de-lousing. Going  slightly crazy as one does when fear of infestation takes over. One might say I went a little more than slightly crazy when I was alone picking through my long locks, imagining the lice taunting me like the mucus guy in those commercials: "We’re setting up shop in here! You’ll never find us in all these tangles!” That’s when I found myself reaching for the scissors….

Drastic times call for drastic measures

 Take that you lousy louse!

I have to admit it looks cute in a it-looks-like-you-cut-your-own-hair kind of way... More pictures to come (after I find a proper hair dresser to fix it and give me a good dye job). Now off to write (after another trip to the laundromat).

No Excuses, Just Write!

I love National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) for many reasons none of which are the misconception that at the end of the month I will have a completely finished and publishable novel. My goal is simply to have the 50,000 word skeleton of a novel in which I can add the meat during revisions. In a few months’ time, I’d like to have a draft I’m willing to show someone. In the meantime, I am just writing.

NaNoWriMo strips away all my excuses. I am forced to sit down daily and plug away as fast as I can at my novel whether I feel inspired or not. I have to push away all negative thoughts and procrastinations and just write. I don’t have to think of any rules, tricks, or techniques, I just write. I don’t have to worry about what a potential agent, publisher, or audience is going to think, I just write. NaNoWriMo is about finding your voice and telling the story you want to tell and ignoring everything else (like your inner critic).

11 days, 14,000 words, and 45 pages later – I am still writing. Some days the writing is great and I’m excited. Other days, not so much. But I continue to show up and write, when I am lucky the muse joins me. When I’m not so lucky, I push through anyway.

Week two of NaNoWriMo is notoriously tough and I have not been the exception. But I continue to try to push away the excuses and keep going (slowly but surely). What keeps me going is the knowledge that successful novelists have worked this way too. Like Sara Gruen for one. Check out this list of 14 published novels written during NaNoWriMo:
http://mentalfloss.com/article/53481/14-published-novels-written-during-nanowrimo

For tips on getting through the week two blues, check out this entry in the NaNoWriMo Blog:
http://blog.nanowrimo.org/post/102283215611/5-tips-for-nanowrimo-from-gwen-hicks-writers-block

Or, for more info, you can check out these previous blog posts of mine:

NaNoWriMo What?

Need Some Motivation

No Excuses, Just Write!

730 Days of Lame Excuses Later...

     I have been toying around with the idea of being a writer for decades - jotting down random notes and pieces of stories in notebooks for more than half of my life figuring one day I'd be a "real" writer. A few years back, as I watched my babies turn into big kids right before my eyes, I realized - if I don't make this work NOW, when will I?

     At some point on my quest to make this writing thing work, I came across a blog titled something to the effect of "365 Days of Novel Writing" (although I can't seem to find it now). Essentially, a women was blogging about her journey to write a novel in one year (I have no idea if she wrote that novel or what became of it). When I saw the blog I scoffed at myself and thought I should write a blog titled "365 Excuses NOT to Write a Novel" because knowing my undisciplined procrastinating self, I figured that is what would happen... Thus, the seed was planted...

     Roughly two years ago today "365 Excuses by Julie" was born. 47 excuses later - I still don't have any published short stories or novels but I have been writing more than ever before and will continue to plug away at it... I am gearing up for NaNoWriMo again this year (NaNoWriMo What?) and am not only determined to be a NaNoWriMo winner but to complete a manuscript worth sending out into the world. If for no other reason than to show my children it can be done.

     To celebrate the two year anniversary of my documented writing life (or poor excuse for one), I've put together this "flashback blog." Here are some of the "365 Excuses By Julie" blog posts of note from the past two years:

Excuse Me! - This is my first blog post and, since I almost never talk about being a writer in real life, this is how I "came out" as being writer to all the people I know (virtually). 

I Was Too Desensitized - This blog post after the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting bears repeating for multiple reasons: One, let us never be so desensitized by violence that a headline about a school shooting seems common-place; Two, let us never forget the children and teachers that lost their lives. Three, let us remember the brave teachers that saved their students' lives that day. Four, let us never take advantage of every single day that we have with our own children because it can be ripped away from us in one instant. 

I Need Some Obsession Up In Here - Go head and click this blog entry because not many other people have. This blog article is one of my lowest clicked blog posts so I figured I'd revisit it here. I envy those that have obsessive drive and determination -- those that have let nothing get in the way of their goals and dreams. Those that have succeeded even when their dreams have seemed far-fetched and unattainable. In short, I wish I was a little more obsessive with my dreams... 

Because One Day The Kids Will Be Grown - Just because... 

I Need To Put My Butt In A Chair - Writer's write. Everyday. No matter what. Just write. It doesn't have to be good, it just has to be written. You can't edit or revise a blank page. End of story. I need this reminder glued to my forehead. Because daily I have excuses of why I didn't write when I really just need to put my butt in the chair and write! 

You Don't Really Want A Gift, Do You? -- I have to include this blog in the list because I get a lot of clicks and some flak for writing it. I wrote it because I felt like Teacher Appreciation Day was becoming a way to flaunt Pinterest-prowess and not necessarily a way to show appreciation for teachers. I feel like teachers should be appreciated every day and not just on Teacher Appreciation Day. But I do understand as a homemade mother's day gift hoarder that some teachers (and nurses) do appreciate these gifts and am not really trying to say that they shouldn't get them but just that maybe we should try harder every day to show appreciation... 

I Used To Be The Best Mom - I just like this one because, like most moms, I fall way short of the super-mom I envisioned I would be. 

Worth The Move - I am a strong believer that everyone comes into your life for a reason. Sadly, I have moved away from too many wonderful people. The wonderful ladies from my Moonwriters group being top of the list. I wish my stint in South Jersey wasn't so short but am grateful you came into my life and look forward to working with you ladies if only through Facebook and email. 

If Cliches Came In An Adam Levine Package - Go figure, this is my top clicked blog post. Apparently, if you put "Adam Levine" in your title you get lots of clicks (I wonder what happens if you put Adam Levine in the body of your blog or what if you write the words "Adam Levine" and "body" close together...). Those clicks might not be the most targeted since the blog post has less to do with Adam Levine and more to do with my bemoaning my writing as always sounding trite and cliched. This is a common problem for me and other newbie writers (so much so I have two blog entries about cliched writing). 

Need Some Motivation - As I gear up for NaNoWriMo take two, this seems like a good blog post to include in the list. It has some helpful pep talks from real live successful published authors.

     There you have it - 10 of the 47 excuses I have written over the last two years: Click. Read. Enjoy. Comment. Share. Repeat often.

     Bonus: I was trying to decide what picture to include in this flashback blog post when I came across this picture of Snotty Lottie from my blog post titled I Wasn't Prepared For THIS! So that's my picture this week, just to make you laugh...

I Am Not Meant For This!

     After I put my youngest on the bus, I surveyed the disaster that my children left in their wake, got down on my knees and cried out “I am not meant for this sh$t!” Then my dog put his stinky muzzle in my face, licked the lone tear, and hacked something on my cheek.

    Hopefully, it was the lack of sleep that made me question the 10 years I have spent doing exactly this shit. See, the night before my husband and I were sleeping in our usual positions – on opposite edges of the mattress with our five year old sprawled perpendicular between us – when our son wakes us with the declaration, “I peed myself.” We dutifully sent him off to change and wash his hands while we inched further away from the middle lest the pee touch us whispering blame: Did you make sure he peed before bed? Did you let him have something to drink before bed? You have to actually watch him pee because he lies. Maybe you shouldn't have given him that fourth juice box. The boy returned, crawled into my arms and fell back asleep cradled over the edge of the bed. Me, watching the clock until it was time to go downstairs and make breakfast and lunches, dreading the choices: cereal is processed and has too much sugar; oatmeal but not the instant because that too is processed and has too much sugar; or eggs but only the free range ones from a local farm otherwise the chickens most likely were caged up cannibals injected with antibiotics and hormones. And, for lunch: do I use whole wheat bread or does that have too much gluten? Am I allowed to use peanut butter or is the kid sitting next to my daughter going to go into anaphylactic shock? How about hazelnut, is that actually a nut? 

     Sleep deprivation aside, if I am not meant to do this shit, what am I meant to do? And, why is it that I can’t seem to manage to do the same shit that women were doing for centuries before me? What is my excuse? 

     Logically, I can blame my mother. Maybe she, in the post-feminist world, didn't feel it necessary to prepare me for this shit so logically when I am faced with the conundrums: how do I make this from scratch; how do I iron that; how do I sew this; how do I clean that? The answer is: I don’t f'ing know. And neither does she! So maybe that means I blame her mother or her mother’s mother. Maybe for generations women have been whispering into their baby girls' ears: “You are not meant for this shit.” 

     Now what? Who’s going to do this shit? Are we turning into a generation of stay at home moms that send their two year olds to school because we don’t know what to do with them; send the laundry and the mending out; hire cleaning ladies; cook all our meals with a box, 2 cups of water and a microwave? And, if we absolve ourselves from all activities that were once meant for women, do we then absolve our husbands – are they no longer obligated to fix our cars; mow our lawns; pay our bills? And, if so, what are we all going to do – sit around watching Netflix? Piddling around with novels while really just reading articles posted to Facebook?

     Maybe we just have too much shit to do. Do our kids really have to wear something cute and unique every single day? Does that cute outfit then have to immediately be stain-treated, washed, and folded neatly in the drawer with 20 other cute and unique outfits? Do they have to be in every sport offered per season plus piano lessons, art classes, and Sunday school? Do we have to seek out BFFs for them and make sure to jam-pack free time with playdates so they never feel unpopular at school? 

     Or, maybe, I really am just tired. Maybe I’ll change the pee sheets, take a nap, take a shower, bake those homemade sugar-free, gluten-free, peanut-free muffins I found on Pinterest and feel like supermom by the time the kindergarten bus rolls in... (Or, search for the recipe, get distracted by an article about the Kardashian's until my son's school bus is sitting out front honking at me.).

Doctors, Vets, And More... Oh, My!

Less than 7 full days into school and I already have excuses for why I am not writing or getting anything else done (look how easy that was!):

We have already managed two doctors visits and squeezed in a visit to the vet as well...

My youngest had a very yucky snotty nose the entire time we were on vacation the week before school started. I finally brought him to the doctors last week to find that he has two "raging" ear infections. Poor guy probably had those infections brewing the whole time we were on vacation :( (although it didn't seem to bother him as he jumped from pool to pool).

What almost did thwart our vacation was a call from the dog kennel our very first night. Our 10 year old boxer had to be rushed to the emergency vet for what appeared to be symptoms of bloat. Bloat, if not treated quickly with emergency surgery, can be fatal to a dog of any age particularly a 10 year old boxer. And, after I talked to the vet whilst standing in the Wal-Mart parking lot with a cart full of supplies for the week, I thought we were going to lose him. But, luckily, by the time I arrived back at the hotel 2 hours later my husband had given the go-ahead for the surgery and my dog had survived. (2 hours later? Oh, did I skip the part where I was a blubbering idiot and locked my keys, purse, and cell phone in the car while I stood outside with melting groceries in a South Carolina Wal-Mart parking lot begging strangers if I could borrow their cell phones? Hmm.. I wonder how I could have left that part out?)

Our dog is wonderful, back to his old self. He was spoiled rotten by the vet techs while we were away and the only thing I had to do when we got back was bring him to get his staples removed.

Mommy/Doggie Selfie. Love this guy!

Doctor visit #2 came Monday for my middle child. He already managed to pick up a virus that I was worried might be strep (headache, sore throat, stomach ache, fever). Apparently, though, it's just a virus and he's back in school two days later (hopefully not spreading it around).

In between, of course, I have gotten the worst cold I have had in a long time. The last few cold and flu seasons I have managed to stay pretty healthy thanks to my persistent use of Airborne (I swear by it!) BUT apparently you have to actually remember to take it while your children are snotting all over you or it doesn't work. So, I've been coughing, sneezing, and not resting all night and puttering around all day in a fog (which please oh please should be lifting soon).

Oh, my! There you have it, less than 7 days into the school year and I have managed excuse #45 of why I am never going to be a published writer (or accomplish much of anything else!). 

On The Back-To-School Emotional Rollercoaster

Ahhh… Back-to-school time… the time of year when even the most even-tempered mother can feel like an undiagnosed manic depressive. As I prepare to send all three of my children on the school bus for the first time, I vacillate between wanting to run around the house and complete all items on my to-do list in a single child-free day to wanting to spend the day crying on the corner anxiously wringing my hands until the bus returns my baby-turned-kindergartner safely into my arms.  

For the last ten years I have some form of baby, toddler, or small child in my arms for the better part of the day. I have spent a large portion of my adult life pregnant, nursing, and changing diapers. And now that is over. I now hand my children over to be educated by strangers. Part of me wants to sing “I’m Free!!” in operatic falsetto while the other part of me wants to grab a hold of my uterus and beg “Just one more, give me just one more!”

How did the years slip by so fast? How did this summer pass by so fast? How is vacation already over?

I’ll survive back-to-school. And they will thrive. After the first few days, those child-free hours will go by oh-too-quickly. Before I know it, another summer will come and go and there will be another back-to-school to prepare for. I will have three children in school full day then. That time will come when I will be told that producing live children from my womb and keeping them alive is no longer a sufficient contribution to society. I will need to do something. Tick.

I will be putting my three biggest excuses on the bus… Tick.

Now is the time to make something of my writing or find anything else to do. Boom.

Yipes. Maybe I should go have that talk with my uterus (Just kidding, uterus. You've done good work but it is time for you to retire).

Distracted By Facebook Again. Why? Oh why Facebook?

I sat down to write last night. Yay me. Yay to my husband who offered to get the kids ready for bed. But, as often happens when I sit down to write and fail to turn the Internet off – I found myself getting distracted. I just had to google this or that important bit of information and before I knew it I was typing that little F word into the address line.

You know what I’m talking about. It’s likely what brought you here today. Facebook. Ahh, Facebook. That time suck we love to hate. Some days I am ready to give it up. But then who would read my blogs? How would I know when people had babies, went to Disney, got married, got divorced?? How would I know what celebrity died? Or had a baby, went to Disney, got married or got a divorce? So, instead of quitting Facebook, I’ll just post this “Facebook rant blog.”

I just don’t understand what we are doing on Facebook! Why we are spending so much of our precious time here? Why? Why Facebook users? Why?

Why do you feel the need to post every single article in existence on one subject? (And why do I click like even if I haven’t read the article!?)
We get it: You don’t vaccinate your children; you hate common core; Kraft foods is the new Phillip Morris; you love Jesus; guns are bad; you want to save all animals, plastic causes cancer.

Why do you share the same picture of a woman in old fashioned clothing slumped over her sofa with a different witty saying? (And why do I like it every time!?)
We get it: You hate doing laundry; you wish you had wine; your children don’t listen to you; your husband is an idiot; you love coffee.

Why do I need to see a picture of you with a plunging neckline hanging over someone different every time you have a “Girls Night Out”?
We get it: You look hot when you’re not wearing mom jeans; you are cool; you know how to have a good time; you have lots of friends.

Why do I need to see a picture of every purchase you make? Your house? Your vacation home? Your car? Your kid's 10th American Girl doll?
We get it: You have a job, you have money, you like to buy nice things.

Why is it you ONLY post on Facebook when you go on exotic vacations?
We get it: You are better than the rest of us daily Facebook hacks but we should still be jealous of your family vacation to Hawaii, or the Greek Islands, or Disney for the umpteenth time this year.

Why do I need to know every single time-suck you partake in?
We get it: You play Candy Crush, Words with Friends, and Farmville: you have the personality similar to Princess Ariel, a farmer, a person from the 1960s and an Irish sailor; you write a witty blog; you really want to win organic food for a year, a Disney cruise, or a trip to Legoland.

Why do I need to hear how much you love your bestie, your boyfriend, your husband, or your kids?
We get it: You know how to appreciate the people you love. But seriously, you are going to be hating on them tomorrow so why waste my time today?

And, finally, why do you need to post things just to make other people feel bad?
We get it: You are organized, you are crafty, you bake pretty cupcakes, you never yell at your kids while the rest of us saps suck at all those things.

And I suck because I do some or all of the above things too. I get it. But really I’m just trying to make you laugh while venting ;) Have a fabulous Facebook day!

Oh, and here is my "we get it: you are a great mom, you do stuff with your kids" selfie:

Settling (In?)

     Stephen King is haunting me. Nagging, more like it. Almost every day I can hear his creepy voice in my head (sorry Mr. King but when you write the kind of stuff you write your voice becomes creepy). Why is he bothering me?  

     It probably all started way back in October. What you didn't know was the 365th day of 365ExcusesbyJulie.com flew by without any fanfare from me. The excuse then? I was gearing up for NaNoWriMo (Say What?) and just never got around to it. Alas, NaNoWriMo was a bust for me as I put writing aside to focus on moving. Which is done. And now the excuse for not writing? I am busy setting in to our new home and community.

     Now, I have that nagging worry that I am again falling into the pattern of just plain settling. Maybe settling is the wrong word as it has the connotation of getting something less than you want/need/deserve. But when you have everything you could possibly need surrounding you (great husband, kids, house, community, friends, etc) it's easy to just settle into the comfortability of it all and not really try too hard. That seems to be where I am settling right now -- happily going about taking care of the kids, doing the chores, puttering around the house, unpacking the random boxes, checking out the town, taking walks... Busy settling in but still not accomplishing any writing goals.  

     Where does Stephen King fit into all of this? In addition to my own nagging guilt over my neglected writing, Stephen King nags me as well. I just can't seem to get him out of my head (creepy, huh?)! In his book On Writing he tells all of us would-be writers to write every single day, even holidays. Which is no surprise, but that doesn't stop my mounting excuses for not writing. As I recall it, he goes on to say something to the effect of: if you are constantly putting off writing to go mow the lawn (or whatever) maybe you should do just that -- go mow the lawn and forget about writing altogether. That's what he tells me everyday: why don't you just go mow the lawn and give up. But I don't want to mow the lawn! I certainly don't want to give up writing -- the thought makes me sick to my stomach. I don't want to settle for that!


 
    If the thought of giving up on writing makes me sick, then why is it I can let day after day go by settling into a routine of not writing? There is no good excuse (although I could rattle some off). So now that my family and I are somewhat settled into our new home, it is time to carve out at least a few hours a week to writing. My goal is to write one hour each day between the hours of 2 and 3. And, lock myself away one evening a week to write for an additional 2 or 3 hours. At least until summer when I'll have to switch it up a bit. Wish me luck (and hopefully I can stop hearing Stephen King in my head)!

Boxes For Books

My last post for this blog was November 14th while I was happily up to my elbows in NaNoWriMo. One might think that I have been so busy writing and subsequently editing that I haven’t had a single excuse to share. I wish that were true. Unfortunately, the reverse is true: Excuses abound! My husband took a new job and I had to switch gears and focus on moving. In short, I had to exchange my book for boxes.

The New Year is in full swing and I have not focused on a single writing resolution instead I have focused on housing to-do lists. We have been very fortunate in this market, though, and we are almost at the end of our journey. In exactly three weeks’ time I will be watching the mover’s load our belongings on to a truck. I am sad to leave here only two short years after moving, but I am also excited by the new possibilities this move represents.

And I am excited to get back into a writing routine – to finish the work that I’ve started. Over the last couple of years, I have unleashed my wild writerly mind and it is not happy to be caged while I am busy with other things.

I have given my brain very little time to think creatively unless staging a home counts. I look forward to getting back to my novel, getting back to this blog – getting back to writing.

More to come in 2014! Until then, I’m going to work on my moving to-do lists!

The Week That Wasn’t

Apparently Fall is emerging all around me: the temperature is dropping; the trees are changing colors; and Halloween is fast approaching. Last week I missed Fall unfolding itself right in front of me because I was in my own world. A world where corporations suspend production, where hundreds of jobs are lost, where resumes are updated, and words like “relocation” are thrown around. This is a world I had no intention of being in but there I was – life is fun like that.

I tell myself not to stress about things I can’t control. I tell myself things will work out the way they are supposed to. And I believe it, too. I know that our family will survive the closing of my husband’s workplace. That he will find another job in the area quickly and we won’t have to move. Or, maybe, there will be a company that swoops in at the last second to purchase the plant and continue production.

There is nothing I can do, really, except help my husband update his resume.  My life pretty much stays the same for the moment – I still have the same chores, the same laundry, and the same ever-surmounting to-do list. Therefore, the only logical thing for me to do with my time is to imagine how things will play out. To research the state, the city, the school district, the neighborhood, and the very house that we could live in.

So while things were piling up all around me like the fall leaves outside, I was busy playing with the Realtor app on my phone. Not the best use of my time, but it was cathartic and kind of fun….

It was almost like last week didn't even exist. Last week was the week that wasn't. So, back to reality this week! Back to using my time productively (or at least trying to). Back to using my imagination to write stories (since that’s my goal, right?)! Failing that, I have a new book to read – Allegiant (Divergent Trilogy)comes out today – yay!

Enjoying The Small Things, Soccer Mom Style

We are in full fall swing -- school, scouts, soccer, choir, dance, karate, playgroups, back-to-school nights, open houses, etc. Not to mention the fun stuff you just have to squeeze in with the family: hayrides, apple picking, pumpkin patches, fall fests, jumping in leaves, bonfires, etc. Then there are the big chores to attend to: switching over closets, fall cleaning (if you still do that), yard work, etc. on top of the usual chores. Plus all those "back-to-school" resolutions that may have already been forgotten like my resolutions here which top of my list continues to be WRITE MORE.

For a self-deprecating excuse-airing person like me, fall means I have a lot to beat myself up over like not writing enough. But I am going to spare you the boring blog of whine whine whine, promise to change, then whine whine whine some more (lucky you).

Because:

Between all those moments of rushing around too much. Between stacks of dishes and loads of laundry. Between trips back and forth from the soccer complex. I have managed to relax and take a breath. I have managed to stop and enjoy the small things. I have sat back at karate and read. I have enjoyed one on one time with my preschooler. I have watched the sun set over the soccer field. I have stayed up too late with my daughter reading Harry Potter. I vegged on my sofa with my husband and watched useless TV. I spent a Sunday afternoon watching a movie with the kids.

Taking a moment to do these things is no small feat when there is so much to accomplish. I may never be completely on top of the housework. I may never be the perfect mom. I may never cook entirely from scratch. I may never meet daily word counts. And I may continue to meet submission deadlines. But I am enjoying the small things, soccer mom style. Maybe one day all the rest will come.

Sunset on the soccer field